you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
