I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
