...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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