Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
