He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize