Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
