chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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