I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
