I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
