my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My life is pants optional.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
