I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
