I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
