Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
