I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
