my sisters under your porch take her home
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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