Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
