Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
