You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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