shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's just like the Real World with babies
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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