Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
