3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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