he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
