Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
