No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
