new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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