i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
