My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
