my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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