So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
