PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
