Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize