My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
