this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
