I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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