OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he fucked my hip out of place.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
