too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
