it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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