I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
