had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am one with the molecules
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
