the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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