I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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