I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
