i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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