wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
