whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
