If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
