i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
