I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
