The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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