What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
