dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
