Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
