I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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