i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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