It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
