I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
barbara walters just said penis...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
