Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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