I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
