dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize