I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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