my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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