Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
