Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
