I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
