walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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