So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The best revenge is premature balding
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
