I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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