i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
