She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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