Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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