This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
