apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize