I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
