no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
