God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
