Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
