Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
