Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You're like the curious george of whores
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
