I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
