If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
