I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
