if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
