i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
