So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
