Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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