Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
