all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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