So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
