Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
