his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
