Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
