i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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