we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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