So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
