i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
