It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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