I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
