he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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