You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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