If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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