Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
