I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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