mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
